Ignorance is *not* bliss!

During the height of this Summer’s heatwave and in my own words “Chicken Corner’s phase of theatrical foreshadowing,” two intuitive Light Sussex hens sought the comfort and shade of random and impenetrable hedgerows around the farm. I allowed nature to take its cause - an attitude adopted, I’ve realised, on a more-often-than-not basis. Questionable of course, but how unsuccessful could the outcome possibly be, really?! The answer to this is “Quite to a strong *Very*.” So please, do read on to discover my ignorance, whilst, I imagine, you laugh wickedly to yourself ..

To paint the picture, hen No.1 had just started to hatch. Identifiable by the excruciatingly loud cheeping that built over a series of days until the most anti-climatic moment, both myself and my sister, Olivia, were ever likely to experience. Sitting at the kitchen table, we watched with anticipation a proud and victorious mother emerge from the shrubbery, only to be followed by her (fluffy but ultimately singular) offspring. Yes its very cute but you have to bear in mind that she had been sitting on a nest of around ten eggs .. so oh yeah! .. it was not looking good.

However, Mother Nature has her ways and in this scenario it came in the form of hen No.2, the back-up plan, who remained rigorously seated on her nest roughly ten metres away. A week later therefore, a similar process began to unfold but in a much humbler and eventually fortuitous way.

I will take a moment to indulge, on a personal level, why this particular hen embodied a motto I hold very strongly in life - “Actions speak louder than words” - for unlike her No.1 counterpart who’s baby had cheeped all the right chirps (generally hitting octaves higher than the lead singer in an Opera), hen No.2’s offspring conserved their energy for more sensible and important things, something otherwise known as survival! So with low expectations, when I eventually came to move this hen (a lengthy process, I might add, that resulted in spikes in both mine and the hen’s blood pressures), it was revealed that this clever, and mightily protective mother hen had hatched 7 (7!!) little chicks. It was a beautiful moment as I placed them in their new enclosure and watched them each wriggle back into their cosy residency all curled up within her feathers... So maybe ignorance is bliss?? I'll let you be the judge of that.

Bye chicks x

Written: 7th August 2018

Brain wave

Its been a hectic week here at Chicken Corner, as my new business plan is midway through fruition! This all came about having read an article in the Farmers’ Weekly, recommended to me, I might add, by my Father, who thought it would be a ‘good read’, which it was, I might also add. The two-page spread focused on young farmers who had either begun their agricultural empire with chickens, or were going into them as a stable yet profitable commerce. I mulled over the information, debating why Alan, for example, claimed to only have 10 chickens and yet be making a success of it. He must have breeding pairs I concluded.

Of course Chicken Corner could never use such a strategy, as I dislike the concept of pairs, i.e. one cockerel and one hen. This is because, when it comes to those long months of reproduction, that one hen takes a supreme battering and understandably, isn’t a happy hen. Rather than advocating polygamy, this argument is more in support of ‘spreading the load’ whereby more hens to one cockerel ensures no single hen is targeted on a too frequent basis by her male counterpart. I’ve even heard on the grape-vine that 12 hens to a cockerel is ideal, however, Chicken Corner has never strayed into these depths as I just don’t think its worth it if you have multiple breeds.

Anyway – would you like to hear the business plan? Trick question yet also one of those that your teacher makes when your late for your class .. whats it called again .. ah yes.. rhetorical! (I’m going to tell you anyway)

Thought I might start with a screenshot image of the email titled ‘New Chicken Corner Proposal’ I sent to my Assistant Director at Chicken Corner, Olivia ..

.. at the time she was on holiday, not particularly in the business mind-set that I was, and so as you can imagine, this email was greeted with confusion and panic. To be more precise in fact “Oh god this is very stressful, can we discuss this at home?”.. Ladies and Gents, here you have witnessed the tragic symptoms suffered by millions of Brits that travel abroad each year – Too much holidaying – in essence, their brains turn to mosh through too much sun and poolside beat exposure... truly devastating. Scientists have been carrying out tests for decades and revealed this positive correlation, for as soon as those sufferers were re-admitted into the UK climate and were rehabilitated into a quotidian routine, they recovered almost instantly. Olivia was no anomaly, and with a little help and guidance from yours truly – my master plan was underway!

It began with 11 cockerels finding new homes, well one home with a man who regularly takes our members and allows them to live in his (rather large) garden, I’m guessing. Then, only this morning came some rather sad goodbyes to 3 Araucana hens, a trio of Light Sussex and the last remaining quartet of Gold Silkies, as they were boxed up to go to Market. The prices fetched weren’t great but that’s business! Not everyday is your day. But that leaves around 30 members making up Chicken Corner at the moment, and 4 Bed & Breakfast (and lunch and tea) residents, in the form of Large Brahmas owned by Izzi. They have moved into the Silkies’ old run, having previously been hanging out in Monty’s Stable for a week. I think they appreciate their new surroundings and friendly neighbours, the Buff Orpingtons and various mothers and chicks..

It seems as though my plans to reduce numbers are going to take longer than expected – stay tuned for further updates!

Bye chicks x

Written: 21st July 2018

Preparation is Key

Well its been a crazy two weeks for your favourite Director and Manager at Chicken Corner. This season’s agricultural shows have been rolling by, which has required a high level of organisation in terms of preparing my cockerels for their moment in ‘shining lights’ at the Royal Norfolk. To add to the chaos, emotions were running high as I attended the University of Nottingham’s final Ball AND found out that I achieved a First Class in my degree in Archaeology and History of Art. Dream big kids!

As you are aware, the partridge pekin, G, was broody and therefore no longer in the running for exhibition purposes. Not wishing to waste my £4 entry however, I tried my luck and asked to enter another bird. The Norfolk Show was very obliging and so my Black Pekin Frizzle cockerel became the second member and completed the 2018 Chicken Corner Showteam.

Preparation commenced two weeks in advance of the Show. This consisted of placing both cockerels, Caesar and un-named Pekin, in the shed in order to prevent further feather damage. In between time spent at the Lincolnshire Show (which you’ll be pleased to know I was awarded Reserve Champion Beef Cattle Young Handler with my Lincoln Red, Elsie!) and part-time work at a local café, I was handling and washing my birds.

Washing chickens?! ..my innate telepathic ability enables me to hear you cry.. Why do you do that?! How do you do that?! I’m going to break this down. First answer is simple; it is to make them look clean for the judge. Second answer gets complicated so hear goes …

For a bit of context, imagine a boiler room with hundreds of farm-boots and coats huddled together, shelves fit to busting, and a single window providing limited natural light due to the extraordinary number of glass jars stacked on the wide ledge. My family are collectors of “things.” Things that may or may not be of use in the near-future or even distant future, but whose presence is justified just on the off-chance that one day for example, you have the desire to dye your clothes a bright orange colour – that jar of coloured dye has been sitting there for about five years.

I realise I’ve taken you slightly off-topic, but it was necessary because you have to understand that most of those “things” had to be relocated during the washing-of-the-chickens-session. For some, this may seem excessive, however, am I appreciative of my younger, thoughtful self? Oh yes. For you see, I fill a washing-up bowl full of water and stand the bird in it. I then preceed to pour water over its feathers, eventually completely soaking the bird. Easy enough perhaps.. wrong!.. as Caesar demonstrated so perfectly, exiting his less-than spacious bath tub on about 17 occasions. Reminiscent of the way (I imagine) the prehistoric beasts first emerged onto land, leg by scaled-leg, Caesar crawled from the depths, heading towards the light, now of immense intensity due to the clear sill of the window.

In years gone by, I would have left those “things” there, resulting in panic and pandemonium (in this case, not on top of the Peach, as in Roald Dahl’s James and the Giant Peach, but in Bates Moor’s boiler room). Jars crashing, paintbrushes poking eyes, and wet birds’ wings whipping me in the face (NOT FUN). All was avoided this time around, apart from the fact I had to become a human barricade to stop Caesar going in the other direction onto the floor. And top tip to those now enthused to wash a chicken: Avoid wearing clothes you wish to wear that afternoon.

After this dramatic episode, I wrapped them in towels and allowed them to dry outside in the sunshine. It was less time consuming that whacking out the hair-dryer, although that was required on the second washing session. Being outside also helped to re-awaken their souls and passions for life. Inhabiting a spacious yet ultimately darkened shed in this kind of weather can result in one or in this case, two lethargic cockerels.

All this hard-work paid off however, as Caesar was awarded first in his class and the Pekin picked up a third prize. Very happy indeed. Long live Chicken Corner’s showing Career, wouldn’t you say?

Until next time, chicks! x

Written: 1st July 2018