Seasons Greetings to one and all! Your favourite director and manager here reporting from none other than the most infamous orchard in the UK: Chicken Corner.
I know, I know.. you’ve been on tenterhooks since July.. sleepless nights checking your inbox.. or refreshing Instagram and facebook feeds just for a mere snippet of Chicken Corner shenanigans! Well stand up and praise be, friends, for your wish it my command - A magnificent feast for your imagination awaits! A little Christmas round-robin if you will, of the higher- and lower- lights of this latter half of 2021. And trust me, you won’t want to miss out!
To start on a positive note, since last we spoke, the drake has re-ignited the flame with his call duck spouse AND warmed to his two blossoming daughters (almost ready for society, if this were an episode of Bridgerton). Not sure what has changed in this little drake’s head, but for dramatic effect I put it down to time. Time is always a healer. You might wonder.. but when was this creature wounded?! Well viewers, our drake is a sensitive soul – he’s experienced much unrequited love due to nurtured misfortune.. his tactic to chase hens and grip onto feathers for dear life never quite worked the ticket and more often than not, resulted in a defensive attack from Gwen the guinea fowl (sex/gender still undefined). To top this, the (unknowing) love of his life, the white female call duck, only went and took her wife and attentive mother duties to unexpected new limits (aka producing heirs) and put his nose out of joint. The initial shock of MORE creatures that enjoyed water unsettled him, however, time, as I’ve said previously, has power to heal these metaphorical lesions and he’s very much excelling!
Alternatively and less theatrically, his behavioural shift lies in hormonal changes. By this I mean, we’re well into winter now, a month defined for its non-sexual acts. Thus his drive for hens has subsided and left us with the chilled out, family man we see today! P.S. He still takes dry baths on the grass though…. Time can’t cure every vice it seems..
On another note, we said goodbye to certain members of “The Corner” this Autumn. From pullets sent off in cardboard boxes gripped tightly by budding young poultry enthusiasts, to outnumbered cockerels hoovered up by a local “mate”, as well as the mixture of trios, pullets and mother and chicks entered into the Swaffham poultry Market Saturday sale in November.. You’d have thought numbers would have depleted tenfold, but it doesn’t appear to be the case according to post-surveillance report dated December 2021. So seriously, any takers for POL pullets, hit me up!
Death of course comes to us all, it is one of two certainties in life – the other, taxes, I don’t burden the minds of our members with, there are too many worms to search for on a daily basis for that kind of insolence! We lost a couple of retired OAPs this year due to natural causes and unforeseen happenings (e.g. knocked out by a descending plank of wood).. emphasis on “unforeseen”.. health and safety checks have been completed since this incident occurred to prevent similar events in the future.
Not to disrespect the lives of those listed above, but the death which took ample time to come to terms with (4 months to be exact considering I’m now writing about it) was the sad and unapologetically brutal passing of top Burberry model Buff Orpington hen (unnamed disappointingly for the eulogy). Thankfully she now rests peacefully in the orchard with a DIY cross (she was always very religious, just like the guinea pigs) defining her plot.
Yet on the definitive day of passing, the rain had poured down. This aged, blind hen had positioned herself strategically under the left rear wheel of the VW polo for protection from these elements. Your very own director and manager who voices this tale, at the time, got into that car for her biannual trip to the post-office. Without 360-degrees checks of the vehicle, she got in and started the engine (How could should naïveté grasp her so?!).. Mirrors and seat adjusted. The handbrake went down and with the gear in reverse, she put her foot on the accelerator. It is most unnecessary for me to recount in detail, the events of that afternoon - it simply does not require such discourse. Dickens, I’m sure, would heartily agree.
Finally, to round off the year in style and come full circle (such curvature!), the poultry world has gone into another wonderful cluckdown with avian flu running rife. Outdoing their human counterparts, Chicken Corner are obliging courteously for the good of all birds out there.. but understandably cannot wait to be out and about once again. Here’s hoping for a freeing and healthy 2022. See you on the other side, chicks!
Much love x
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